I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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