wat bout pragnant strippers??
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
