Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
