My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
