I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
