You're my little dorito
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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