Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
