Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
