please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
