hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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