Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
