Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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