she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
