You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize