I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
