The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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