dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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