I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
