I think I died a long time ago.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
