I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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