I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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