I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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