those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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