my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
