i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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