i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
