im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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