I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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