WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
