Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
