everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
