Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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