so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
