Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize