im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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