At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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