Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
