and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize