Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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