:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
