fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
