to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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