last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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