Pants 0. Shit 1.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
