so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
