she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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