I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
