If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize