Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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