you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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