thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
