3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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