Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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