I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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