Your dad touched me again.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
