I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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