lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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