If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
