her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're too hungover to prance.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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