no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
