he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
