I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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