Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
