just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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