How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
