The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
