Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
