the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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