my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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