Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
