I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
