We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
