you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
