i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize