What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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