this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
