I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
