ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
