They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
