wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
