guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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