I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think I won the penis lottery.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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