We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
