good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize