my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
