actually, I'm a sock model
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
