I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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