dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I will pee on everything he values.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
