Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize