So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
