if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
