P.S. I can't hear my feet
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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