I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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