His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
