you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You did what with his pubic hair?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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