1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize