my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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