which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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